I usually start such writing with a nice warning that I’m pretty horrible with grammar and punctuation. I don’t claim to be good at it or even pretend, but this is for the new year and an outlet of thoughts.
As the new year comes and goes within a day I usually use it to reflect upon the past year and formulate some finite page of words to convey what it is that I’ve learned. I haven’t written one of these in a long time and Facebook doesn’t seem like the proper place to store them.
After each year I like to say I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned about myself and other and progressed any slight understanding of the universe that I may have. The one that comes through the most are my dogmatic perceptions, melancholy view of the world, and dealing with death.
Being dogmatic has proven to be detrimental to my own mental health. It’s counter-productive to the question that I constantly ask myself. “How can I further my understanding of things that make a human being feel human?”. Leading into the new year, I’ve found that I have moved back to this question. To me, this is extremely refreshing as it gives me a chance to remove the blinders. I fear stagnation but am afraid of failure which turns into quite the conundrum.
My current resentment comes from my experience being a student of engineering. I’ve gotten so disgruntled over the past years with the adopted philosophy that seems tolinger in the halls and among student minds. “Why build it when you can just buy it?”. Now, I can understand this if you’ve been building electronics and components for years and have a understanding of how stuff works, but as a student how can this be the best course of action to pushing yourself?
This philosophy is what interlocks with my melancholy view of the world. I’m around computers and information all day, every day. It really becomes overwhelming and I can’t seem to separate myself from them. I intake mounds of news a day and really only focus on the absolute negatives. My eyes find their way to news of war, greed, murder… everything inhumane. My significant other told me that I focus far too much on the negative things. I think this is mostly true as I cannot see the good from the evil, in my moral standing.
To tie the previous part together I turn towards death. I’m pretty unfamiliar with it and this past summer and fall I’ve experienced the suicide of an old friend and friends uncle. Regardless of their position in my life it has all had a profound feeling. One can imagine what death is like but one cannot produce the feelings that occur with its presence. It drapes over every living being’s flesh, fur, and scale like a cape. I’ve tried to turn my head around to maybe catch the glimpse with no success but it can be felt.
These are merely short ramblings of the things that are in question with respect to reality. I’m gracious that Lew and I can share an outlet. Our music has been taking turns over these many years and it all sounds different. While it will probably be awhile before Zero Cliff becomes physical, we are taking some time and putting the music under a different light and playing with it. It is a slow process and I feel that I hold it up a bit being in school, but it will be a reality with other things as well.
All these things have found their way into Lew and I’s work. The next album we speak of it telling the story of our lives over the past few years. It’s incubating and slowly becoming a reality. We carry a deep proud feeling of our newest work and has motivated us beyond anything before. When the time comes we hope that we can share our story with you and maybe the intent will shine through. I think it will.
For now, enjoy your new treadmills and new years resolutions for the next two weeks. Taco Bell and McDonald’s are just a short drive away.