“Make Lemonade” by Neuron Dreamtime

Thirteen Palm Trees Podcast Productions have released the schedule for the next few episodes of the Wasted Local Talent podcast including the Neuron Dreamtime episode and seeing that it has been the customary length of time between posts here on the mother site, I’m back again with another peek into the labyrinthine Dreamtime neural network.

So mark your calendars, or don’t, I’ll remind you, November 29th is the day you’ll hear wise cracks, pop culture references, and may even notice how awkward I am during interviews. What I mean is that I’ve always been on the introvert side of the spectrum and the shyness tends to increase once the red record button is pressed. This sometimes results in bouts of internal panic causing me to forget what I want to say, get all mixed up and repeat things, say something dumb or downplay something. I will often let others steer the conversation and on some occasions I’ll clam up almost completely into a spiral of self imposed embarrassment. Of course this is not always the case for every situation as it’s different with people I know well or see often. I’m always looking for ways to change this about myself like doing interviews, taking on a more person-to-person responsibility at the money-job, and working myself up to do open mic standup.

So to prepare for the interview I assumed there would be a list of questions based on what was available online about myself and ND, so I thought about what standard interview questions would be; the origin, the influences, the tools, the philosophy, etc. I went so far as writing notes about ND and coming up with answers to anticipated questions. Upon meeting the hosts, when I said I was nervous, I was reassured that “it’s just a conversation” and to my surprise it turned out to be just that. But of course I was keenly aware that we were recording and instantly forgotten all the preparations I made.

Thankfully, Daniel and Jed were friendly and funny. Taking the pressure off of me by giving each other a hard time and cracking jokes in a way only friends can. I eventually felt very welcome in their studio, like I was a friend bonding over a shared sense of humor. In spite of my own anxieties, it didn’t feel like I was expected to act a certain way to fit their mold. It was our first time meeting each other and while I honestly don’t think they really looked too deeply into what ND has done or listened to many songs, I feel their intentions were genuine and well placed. They truly do wish to use their platform to help shed light on the talent out here in WV, no matter how popular or unknown. But because it may be too much to expect to familiarize themselves with ND when there is so much out there and relatively unknown to the point of near invisibility I can’t hold that against them. Alas, I am disappointed in myself for not being able to delve more into Neuron Dreamtime, into the origin, influences, tools and the philosophy.

Now it may just be a trait of being an artist but I usually find myself picking apart a piece of work. My own worst critic as the cliche goes. It’s the same when painting. Perfect is unreachable, unattainable but it’s also strangely imaginable. And I’m usually looking back on how things went and how they could have been better. An interview is something I’m not used to anyway. When making music or painting there is time to step away and collect oneself, even this blog post has taken me almost two weeks to write, to edit and reword as to better express myself. With an interview its limited and for the most part a one shot go with little editing. So I think back to all the missed opportunities to say more, to elaborate upon what ND is to me. Meanwhile there is always this site with its various pages and links for anyone wishing to peruse and discover what Neuron Dreamtime is. If anything, the podcast will bring a little more local traffic to this site and people can let the content speak for itself.

So as always, I tend to laugh at myself and accept that it’s just part of the human condition to be awkward. Life is so damn absurd sometimes you simply can’t take it seriously. You’ve got to stop and laugh often. Laughing and making people laugh is something I love to do as much as painting and recording sounds that resonate and express. I love to do these things and share them but there is usually hesitance on my part due to how I humbly view what I create, it’s not the greatest but it’s something. Maybe with clever editing the podcast will be coherent to me and I won’t sound so amateurish. Or maybe this is all just a case of me over thinking. It happens. In any case its sure to be entertainingly silly while doling out laughs.

I normally feel I don’t deserve any kind of spotlight other than the one I shine myself into my little corner upon the things I make. I just go at my own pace, do my own “thing” and I am aware that one persons “thing” can’t be appealing to everyone. I know this because I can see my minuscule, but totally inspiring, fan-base by way of statistics from this website, Facebook, Bandcamp, Youtube, and Soundcloud. I can see how many people read this, listen to what and click links. Honestly it surprised me that they accepted my application to be on the show. I almost didn’t seize the opportunity to apply in the first place because of my modesty surrounding ND. In some lights I feel it’s not worthy. It’s a testament to their willingness to help local talent be seen by bringing me on to inevitably bomb but be funny while doing it.

Self deprecating thoughts aside, I do feel that true success is relative and not measured by an objective abacus of wealth and influence. You set your goals, you achieve them, no matter how large or small they seem to other people. Find what gives your heart a beat, then dance to that beat. Then try to drown out your inner heckler.

These guys at Thirteen Palm Trees are just like that. They love doing what they’re doing no matter how odd it may be to others and they want to share their light with others. Overall it was a good experience, a positive one, for overcoming my shyness and stage fright and showed me that the podcast format is something I could get into and hope to do so in the future. Although I failed to elaborate on what ND is (sometimes even I don’t know) there is always this website and the future opportunities. I hope to be this eloquent next time I have the pleasure of sitting down, chatting and laughing with the crew at Wasted Local Talent about music, pop culture, and joking about Male pattern baldness and life.

Good people.

10/10

Will visit again.

-L

PS: You can find Thirteen Palm Trees and all their episodes on all major Podcast streaming providers. Below is the aforementioned schedule and be sure to check out their other podcasts: “Video Game Mythos”, “D&D, Kinda”, and “Gurus of Gaming”WLTlogo

13palmtreespro

When I began writing this the feeling was that of defeat. No matter how much I plan or prepare something will get in the way to let me know that the universe is impersonal, hostile and ultimately doesn’t care about the goals of a speck of dust. There are 1000 things I want to do and 1001 things I need to do. Sometimes its like I’m spinning so fast I’m about to shatter into a thousand pieces.

It’s been a rough few months, needless to say, no matter how well I thought I was prepared or how detailed the map laid out before me. This is life, thus is flux. Plans falling apart or postponed until further notice. Mechanical things failing. Roads disappearing and canyons appearing instead. Car dealers dealing. Missing friends. Mandatory overtime for months on end at the job that pays the bills. This sort of onslaught wasn’t necessarily a walk in the park, nor was it anything new, but as it turns out I am very good at hiding the struggle and trudging through.

I have always had trouble asking for help but never-the-less I am always grateful for the help offered by family, friends and neighbors. I am grateful to my loving wife for making me feel like a rockstar. Grateful to my family, parents and in-laws for their calming words of wisdom and support. I am grateful for every acknowledgement, kind word, and laugh shared by strangers, coworkers and the like.

I know that things could always be worse and that compared to most things going on in the world I have it made in the shade with lemonade and I’m able to promenade. So then I get bummed that I feel bad about my situations while so many others have it far worse. Depression is a tough gremlin to shake sometimes once it has latched on and everything seems to be stacked against. Just gotta persevere onward and adjust to new variables. The map is not the territory and the territory is in a constant state of flux.

So now, as I finish writing this, months later, for my partially neglected website, the variables have indeed changed again. Bought a fresher ride, with some hiccups. The driveway is now traversable, but not perfect. Overtime is ending and I am highly recommended for a promotion at work, just gotta update and apply my resume. The once postponed Wasted Local Talent podcast interview happens in just a couple days but I’m still nervous. And there are a couple opportunities opening up for things I’ve never done but want to do. One is to bring Neuron Dreamtime live in a collaborative freeform manner and the other is for me to address my love for comedy during an open mic night.

Hope to have more positive stuff to write about in another month or two but until then, flux this and carry on.

-L

Here’s an ambient improvisation from a couple weeks ago.